Breaking the Ice: Who Should Write First in Online Dating?

In the evolving world of online dating, one of the age-old questions continues to linger: who should message first?

dating
Hayley Hurst
March 15, 2025
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In the evolving world of online dating, one of the age-old questions continues to linger: who should message first?

Traditionally, it was expected that men take the lead in sending the first message. However, with platforms like Bumble changing the narrative by empowering women to make the first move, this dynamic has started to shift. Over the years, I've worked with numerous clients navigating the online dating landscape, and I've found that this shift can be quite liberating, especially for women who are looking to break the mold and actively pursue connections.

The power of this change is evident. For many of my female clients, taking the initiative not only boosts their confidence but also sets a positive tone for the kind of relationship they wish to establish: one founded on mutual respect and proactive engagement.

Crafting The Perfect First Message

Whether you're male or female, the key to a successful first message is balance. Here are some tips to ensure your opener hits the right note:

1. Keep it Short and Sweet: An effective first message is concise yet engaging. Try to include a compliment or a question that shows you've read their profile.

2. Friendly, Not Aggressive: While it's important to be assertive, ensure your message is welcoming and not overbearing.

3. Personalized Approach: Generic messages rarely stand out. Tailor your message to reflect something unique about the person you're reaching out to.

For Men: Tradition Meets Modern Romance

There's something inherently romantic about the notion of a man making the first move. Many women still appreciate this gesture as it signifies classic chivalry, blended with modern charm. On platforms other than Bumble, men should feel encouraged to initiate conversation, as this can still set a lovely tone for the budding relationship.

For Women: Confidence is Key

A Recent article reveals that 95% of men find it attractive and refreshing when a woman confidently makes the first move. Women no longer need to wait for admirers to approach them—those days are moving past as women become more empowered in the online dating realm.

Drawing from over five years of experience in helping clients figure out their best online dating strategies, I can confidently say that making the first move—whether you're a man or a woman—can be very effective when done with thought and care. Remember, the right approach is what makes you comfortable and confident in your online interactions.

For anyone feeling unsure about how to open the door to that first conversation, remember that there are experts and professionals who can help craft your initial messages and guide you through the nuances of online communication. No matter who messages first, the focus should always be on authenticity and mutual engagement.

So, go ahead and make that first move—it's a brave new world of dating out there!